Christian Womens Blog

Christian Womens Blog by Laurie Cole of Priority Ministries

Laurie Cole

Author, Speaker, Teacher

Front Porch Friday: My roughest, toughest hour

This week’s Ask Laurie question took me back to the darkest season of my life. But it also took me to the place where God taught me things I never could have learned any other way. I’ll tell you all about it in today’s Front Porch Friday.

Your sister,

What was your toughest hour, and how did God see you through? And if you are facing it right now, please share it with our Glo Girl community so we can stand with you in prayer. 

 

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  1. I’ve had several “toughest hours” – living in a severely abusive marriage from the age of 16 to the age of 18 1/2, 3 miscarriages, being widowed at age 22 with a 2 year old daughter/2 months pregnant with our second, being a single mom for 6 years, several scares with each of my children.

    What I’ve learned, is that God was there with me through it all, and He has shown me the WHY in very clear ways. Through the suffering that I’ve experienced, I’ve been able to witness to countless women, because I had “been there, done that, had the scars to prove it.”

    One such instance was almost exactly a year after my husbands death (car accident). I was in the emergency room with my then 3 year old daughter, who had the flu. While we were in the room, with my daughter in an ice bath, one of the nurses, who knew me, came and told me that they needed me. My mom was there with me, so she stayed with my daughter while I followed the nurse out.

    She explained to me that they had a woman in the waiting room that was hysterical. The police had brought her in to identify her husband’s body. He had just died in a car accident. They had tried to sedate her, but it didn’t change her hysteria, so they wanted me to try to talk to her, since I had been there.

    I walked up to her and started hugging her. She immediately started to hit me, saying, “Leave me alone, you don’t know what I’m going through”. I took her face in my hands, and gently said (in tears now) that I DID, in fact know what she was going through, that a year ago I had been in that very room for the very same purpose. That simple statement opened the door for me to be able to sit and talk to her for some time, and to lead her to the Lord.

    It’s easy to get so caught up in trying to “work through” our problems, or to “put it behind us”, or just to be so busy in our own lives that we miss the opportunities to use these times in our life as Paul says in Romans 8:28 to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

    This verse doesn’t say that all things in Beth’s life will work together for Beth’s good. But if I can help a Christian sister who is going through something that I’ve lived through, and grew closer to God because of, then it’s worth it!

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    • Wow, that brought tears to my eyes, Beth. Thank you for sharing! What an awesome testimony. I love Romans 8:28! God doesn’t waste our tears!

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    • Thank you for sharing Laurie. Your testimony reminded me of a very dark/black time in my life right after I lost my 16-year old son in a motorcyle accident. It was the absolute blackest time of my life back in 1988. I remember trying to hang on to God with everything I had until I couldn’t hang on any more–I was so depressed, I wanted to die! I felt like a flickering candle in the dark that was just about to burn out. The Holy Spirit impressed this verse on my heart “if we are faithless, he remains faithful, for He cannot deny himself.” 2 Tim. 2:13. He did remain very faithful! As I stayed in His Word and learned more about His agape love, mercy, grace, and faithfulness, little by little the blackness lifted and He drew me out of the pit of despair and clothed me with a garment of praise. I came to the place where I had to make a choice to trust God’s heart based upon the revelation He had given me about Him in His Word. All that I learned then, and continue to learn now, God is using to help me teach, train, and equip others who are growing in the knowledge of Christ.

      Thank you for the opportunity you have given me to share a little part of my dark hole and the redeeming grace of God.

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  2. Glory to God, Beth! Thank you, precious sister, for sharing your testimony. You have encouraged me and a multitude of other women today. I am so grateful for the way God has and is continuing to use you to comfort and reach others with His love. Just wish I could hug your neck right now. Much love to you, my sister in Christ!

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  3. I’m going thru the darkest time in my life right now. I thought that when my brother was killed at age 16, when I was 15, that would be the darkest hour of my life. Little did I know what my future held in store. When my son began losing his vision at age 7, was legally blind by age 8, and no one could tell us exactly what was causing it or whether he would go completely blind, I was convinced that was my darkest hour. At age 12, when our son had progressively lost more vision and then had his first seizure & was rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night, but still no one could tell us what was causing it, I believed my darkest hour had come. When he went on to have more seizures over the next year, was finally diagnosed with Puberty-Onset Epilepsy, given anti-seizure meds to control the seizures, and told that he would out grow them in a few years, I thought, “Ok, I can handle this. He’s blind, but his seizures are under control, & he will out grow them. Lots of blind people & Epileptics have full lives.” Then before age 15, he started having trouble with his schoolwork & his speech would sometimes become garbled and hard to understand. He scored a 74 on an IQ test at the School for the Blind that he attended part-time along with classes at the local high school, and was diagnosed by the psychologist as “mildly mentally impaired”. I just knew they were wrong, but in my heart was a fear that they were right, and my world became darker still. By the time he graduated from high school at age 18, his speech was so bad that he no longer had any friends who could understand him or who wanted to take the time to try. He interrupted conversations and made comments that were totally incomprehensible at times. He could no longer see well enough to play his video games, could only see a partial picture on the TV when sitting 6 inches away, and spent hours alone in his room, just listening to his CD collection of country music. We decided that he needed more training at the School for the Blind, so he was enrolled there for a 2-yr Independent Living Program, where he lived in the dorm with other blind young men, and was taught independent living skills, coming home on weekends, holidays and during the summer. It was our last hope for him to learn some job skills and a way to live on his own someday, if possible. It was a dark day when we left him there for his first week, but we hung on to the hope that somehow, someway they could turn things around. By age 20, when he graduated from the School for the Blind program, he had forgotten most of the Braille he’d been taught since 4th grade, no longer remembered how to use his long, white cane properly for independent travel, and required a sighted guide when outside familiar surroundings. His speech was even worse than ever, although he’d seen several different speech therapists over the years. It was obvious to everyone that he might never be able to live on his own or work without constant supervision. We met with the closest sheltered workshop & rehabilitation center for adults with disabilities in our area, and he began working there 2 days a week and going to Day Hab 2 days. A bus picked him up and brought him home each day. While he was there, he had a full-time one-on-one aide to help him. We finally accepted the fact that he would always live at home with us, and we would take care of him as long as we were able. I jokingly told someone, that we’d all go to the Nursing Home together when we could no longer care for him at home. That was a dark time indeed. Unfortunately, it has become even darker in the past 2 years. As the time has gone by, he has had to have more and more assistance with even personal care issues; using the bathroom, taking a shower, brushing his teeth, getting dressed, eating, and now requires someone to help him get up from a chair and help him walk. We decided to take him to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN to see if they could tell us what was happening. You may wonder why we didn’t go sooner. Every test he had over the years; EEGs, MRIs, Cat Scans, we were told were all normal. No sign of a tumor, or any other significant abnormality. We decided to take him to the best doctors in the country to get their opinion, taking the last MRI from our neurologist with us. The first day there on March 15th, the head of the Neurology Dept., put the MRI up on the computer for us to see. It was from last August, and he showed us that our son had a significant atrophy of the brain, which is what happens to older patients who are experiencing Dementia & Alzheimers. After 5 days of testing, we were told by 3 of the 4 neurologists that saw him, that they didn’t know what the cause of his disabilities was, that he was physically a healthy 22-year-old young man, and what was causing the atrophy of his brain may not have been discovered yet. The last day there, he was examined by a Pediatric Neurologist, due to the fact that a lot of his problems began before he was 18. She told us she thought she knew what was causing it; a rare form of a progressive neurological disorder caused by a recessive gene deformity that my husband and I would both have to be carriers of in order to have a child with the disease. They took blood, told us they’d call us within a month with the results, as there was only one U.S. lab that did this kind of genetic testing. There are only 500 reported cases of this disease in North America. A month later, the Pediatric Neurologist at Mayo called to tell me that our son, who was a bright, happy, energetic completely normal little boy until the age of 8, now had a fatal disease that will gradually progress til he can no longer walk, talk, or eat. He will have to be fed by a feeding tube and be bedridden until his heart finally stops beating sometime within the next few years. Most young people with this disease die in their late teens to early 20’s. They rarely live to age 30. Our son turned 23 on June 3rd, and although his speech is mostly unintelligible, his cognitive abilities have not been further impaired, so he understands everything we say and what is going on around him if told. He is almost completely blind, has some light perception in one eye, and walks with difficulty, shuffling his feet and holding onto one of us. He still goes to the workshop and day hab 4 days per week, but has had to reduce his work time to just 2 half-days recently. His intelligence is more that of a 12 year-old than a 23-year-old. His name is Chad, and I remember while looking up the meaning of boy’s names when I was pregnant that Chad meant “Brave Warrior”. I told him that when he was small, and he loved it! His favorite shows were Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Power Rangers back then, so you can see why. I never really thought about it again til lately, but I couldn’t have given him a better name. He is the bravest warrior I have ever known. He has faced the past 15 years with a smile on his face first thing every morning and a prayer on his lips the last thing at night. He loves everyone, never says a bad word about anyone, even the friends who deserted him in high school, or the bullies who made fun of him then. Through all these things, he has been strong in his faith and courageous in his battle. He played football, wrestled & ran in track as long as he could thru Jr. High and Freshman year of High School. He even took a girl to Jr. Prom, although his dad had to be his chauffer! Yes, these are the darkest days of my life, but I have a bright, shining light in this son of mine, who teaches me every day about God’s grace, just by living in the moment, and not worrying about what tomorrow will bring. Of course, we are all praying for healing, and we haven’t told Chad of his prognosis for a shortened life. After all, none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. We may go before he does, or Christ could come back for all of us. I’m reading the book, “Heaven for Kids” by Randy Alcorn to Chad each night, and he gets so excited about all the things he will be able to do again in Heaven, and all the family members that he will see again there. Then he just says, “when I’m older”, and he always says about his disease, “it’s the devil’s fault”. He did ask me once why Jesus didn’t heal his blindness, like he did in the Bible. I didn’t really know what to say, but I told him that I’m sure there were lots of other blind people that didn’t get healed back then, too, and that we just have to trust God with whatever happens. When the time comes that he may not understand what I say, I want him to remember what I’ve told him about Heaven, so he has that hope to hold on to. God has given me an inner peace about my son. I don’t know if He will heal him, but I trust Him, because He knows how it feels to watch your son die, and I know He will be there for me if or when that happens. Dark days, yes, but ultimately, in God’s heaven, an eternity of bright days ahead! Please pray for us. Thank you!

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    • Debbie, we will definitely pray for your family and for your sweet son, Chad. My heart breaks with yours. I pray God continues to give you His comfort, His peace, His strength and His wisdom. Bless you.

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      • Thank you so much! We don’t have much support here. My church family know most of the details, but not about it being terminal, and neither the pastor nor any of the congregation have contacted me. I haven’t been back for a long time now, just stay home on Sunday and listen to a pastor on TV. We’ve only told our daughter everything. My parents and my in-laws are in their 70’s and have never accepted Chad’s disabilities, so we haven’t told them about the disease. Seems like everyone is just staying away from us, so I suppose they suspect something of what the diagnosis was, and don’t really want to know. Thank God I have him and people like you to talk to on the internet. Your prayers are appreciated.

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    • Oh, Debbie, thank you for sharing your story and your faith. I am so grateful for every word you wrote and for the sweet Spirit of God that was so obvious in each sentence. You, precious sister, are a true glo girl. Please know of my love and prayers for you, your husband, and for Chad.

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  4. My darkest hour was actually more like my darkest minute. My husband, myself and our two children, who were small at the time, were driving down to Ohio at Christmastime. In Michigan, we are use to snowy yucky roads but this day was cold and rainy. My husband was driving on the wet highway, doing the speed limit of 70. The next thing we know the car in front of us started to fish tale. The wet road was now icing up and was a solid sheet. He slowly let up on the gas but that slight change in speed put us in a 360 degree spin on the highway—still going 70 mph because the breaks were completely useless. As my hubby was trying to get control of the wheel I turned around to face the kids in the back. All I could say was “Hang on, Babies!” I saw out the back window, as we are now going backwards through the median into the oncoming traffic going the opposite direction on the highway. All I could see were the headlight of a big semi—and we were flying right in his path. I called out to God, “Save us, Lord Jesus!!!” And somehow our vehicle stopped right on the white line of the lane of traffic. 6 more inches and we would have been killed instantly. Some may say, “How lucky” but we KNOW that it was the hand of God that stopped our car. With all that ice, the lack of traction, the narrowness of the median and our speed—we should have continued for another100 feet or so. I wasn’t scared at all, in the moment but as a mother, what went through my mind was the sick thought that the kids would feel the impact before I would (since we were going backwards). I guess even in a split instant, a mothers instincts are still strong to protect her children. So we were stopped and were able to drive out across the median and continue to Ohio. Of course we were very shook up, and it still brings tears to my eyes to remember the incident but I will never forget what the Lord pressed upon my heart and I was praying and praising him for sparing our families lives. He told me that when I called out to him “He knew my voice”. You see I was his child and were are very close. I called out and he knew ME!! Yes, he cares just as much as any parent for their child. I would give my life for my kids and that is exactly what God did for us—Christ died to save us. So I will always be is child and He my Father. We were saved for a reason—my kids have grown up knowing this. We are to continue, pressing forward until He is ready to give us our reward. Love never dies!! Lisa

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    • Your children have one good, godly mama, Lisa. Thank you so much for sharing your story! Blessings to you and your family.

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  5. We just moved from San Diego to Kansas for a youth ministry position for my husband, things are amazing concerning the ministry, God is doing an amazing work of Grace in this small town, but I guess a lot of its attack and fear, but I am a young Mom in my thirties struggling with depression and this video so ministered to me!! Thank you, thank you!! (tears)

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    • Sweet Nicole, my heart hurts for you. I know firsthand that God can pull you out of that pit, so please don’t give up hope. I am specifically praying that He will break through the darkness, speak to your heart, and show you His way for your healing. XXXs and lots of OOOs to you, my sister.

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    • Nicole, I also live in ks.& have suffered from depression since my late 20’s.would love to get in touch with you.where in ks.are you

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  6. One of my darkest hours was in 1989. It was the day before Thanksgiving. I was joyfully preparing a turkey and all the trimmings for my mom and dad, brother and sister who were coming from Indiana and all the local family who would be gathering in our home—close to 20 people in all. I had just finished 6 pies when the phone rang. I said hello and the voice on the other end said, “Are you sitting down?” I recognized my brother’s voice and thought that was a strange greeting. Then he dropped a bombshell.
    “Mom and Dad were driving through Kentucky and had an accident. Dad and Rick are in the hospital, and Mom and Becky were killed.” Some of you know what it is like to get that kind of news. My whole world fell in. I said,’ “Lord, why? And at this time of year—Thanksgiving.”
    He whispered to my heart, “You can trust Me. When you pass through the fire, I will be with you and through the waters, they will not overflow you.” I said, “OK, Lord, but give me grace and strength.”
    The next day, on Thanksgiving, my two brothers who lived here in SC with their families and we got into our 3 cars and headed to Indiana for the funeral. We stopped in Kentucky at the hospital to see Dad and Rick who were in bad shape, and then went on to Indiana. The night before the funeral, sleep just would not come to me. I felt like the weight of grief was just pressing down on my chest suffocating me and it was had to breathe. I prayed, “Lord, You said the waters would not overflow me, but I feel like I’m dying. How can I go through this tomorrow?” I had to get some relief, so I got up and went into the bathroom with my little testament and began to read in the Psalms, just pouring out my heart and grief to God, picking out passages that said just how I felt. Finally I came to one verse that leaped out at me. Psalm 140:13, “Surely the righteous shall give thanks to Thy name. The upright shall dwell in Thy presence.”
    Of course! Mother and Becky are with You, Lord. They are praising Your name and wouldn’t want to be back here. They aren’t suffering. They are rejoicing together in Your presence. And the peace and comfort of God just flooded over me, and I went back to bed and slept like a baby. I learned to know the comfort of the Holy Spirit. It’s real!
    I realized what a marvelous gift it was that God took Mother and Becky home at the same time. Because my sister was 30 years old, but she had the mind of a child. She couldn’t possibly have lived alone without Mother, and Mother would have grieved herself to death without her baby. It was so good of the Lord to take them at the same time and I could just see them joyfully entering Heaven hand in hand to meet the Lord together. Of course, God always knows what is best for His children. The Psalms have always been a real comfort to me.

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    • Such a beautiful testimony, Carolyn. And Amen about the Psalms! Thank you for sharing AND for encouraging me and so many others. Love to you, my sister!

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  7. My darkness day was when I was disobedient to God and decided to marry without his blessing. Even though it was rough and many heartaches and tears, I learned to obey God and that he would bring me through even in a storm that I created. The experience really made me realize the meaning of why God chastizes those he loves. As our Father, I now know that he only wants the best for his children. However, we must be quick to hear and obey the voice of God. Though all of it God never forsaken me.

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    • Never forsaken — hallelujah! Vivian, thank you for the beautiful reminder that God’s grace is greater than all our sin. Thanking God for you and praying for every woman who will read your words and relate to your situation (and there are so many). Love you, sister!

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  8. I am still going through my toughest hour to date. How am I getting through it? By spending time in His presence, reading and meditating on verses as the Holy Spirit leads, going through a Bible study, and presenting myself in humility as submissive to God, His word, and the finished work of Jesus on my behalf. More and more revelation is coming to renew my mind that the kingdom of God is righteousness (JESUS’ righteousness, not mine), peace (His peace that passes all understanding) and joy (the fruit of hope and focus on “Christ in me, the hope of glory!”)

    All the above that I have wrapped my mind around intellectually in the past is now becoming revelation and literal in my life! I can never have control over the Word and its use in my life or in others’ lives because of my knowledge, for then it minisers death. The Word has authority over me, and the result is increasing life, bubbling up like rivers of living water from within – what do ya’ know! – just like Jesus said!!! :- )

    As to the particular issue, it is too personal, involving others, that it is wise not to say, but the Lord is faithful to each of us from the same life source – HIMSELF!!!

    Blessings,

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    • Thank you so much, Jo Ella. Yes, yes, yes! Loved and agreed with every word you wrote. Thank you for sharing such glorious wisdom and truth. You’ve inspired me, precious sister! With love, gratitude, and prayers for you — Laurie

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  10. My toughest hour was during a tumultous time with my then 17 year old. I have heard of parents having teen troubles , but to this day don’t know of anyone who experienced the severity of heartbreak of what we went through. I fell into a major depression for over two years. I was a shell. I seriously didn’t want to continue this life. Listening to a TV preacher gave me light, gave me hope through Words of God to fiiiinally get out of my hole and resume life. Unfortunately, 14 years later, things have not changed at all in that relationship. We are estranged sadly and I am very, very sad about it still – but I remember Brother Johns words “hurting people hurt others” and pray, pray, pray. Would you please pray for us, too?

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  11. My darkest hour came a few hours after finding out that my husband was killed in a car wreck two years ago. He was 42 years old and our daughter was 8 years at the time. We had separated after finding out that he had an year affair with someone he knew from work and I thought that was hard and I never knew that it could get darker than that. After telling my daughter about her father that day I remember being at my parents house and having the feeling of being totally “flattened” by life. My cries were gutteral and God heard me in my groanings. “Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.’ (Romans 8:26–27; ESV) I felt him so near even in my brokeness, when I could not even utter words but I knew that He could see all of my heart at that moment, crushed and broken. Later I found out that due to our separation my husband had sought the counsel of a pastor and was seeing him on a regular basis for counseling and a reaffirmation of his faith. I cling to the truth that God will use my dark hour for His Glory.

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