I have discovered something about “date nights” once you are parents – the frequency seems to sharply decline with each subsequent child that springs forth. It’s kind of hard to leave a nursing baby that wants you and only you. This is how our third child has been. In fact, I think the first time she laughed was when I tried to give her a bottle. It was a special time, that first year. I became more of a zombie and she grew teeth like a piranha. We survived.
Which brings me to the blissful occasion a few weeks ago when my husband and I actually went out. Alone. No kiddos. No whining. No sippy cups. No diapers. Nada! We went out to dinner for an old friends’ birthday and ended up sitting with a couple we hadn’t seen in years. They were expecting their first child and this apology is for that dear couple. Let’s just call them Jacobo and Rita (names have been changed to protect the innocent). So, of course we did what every couple does when they are fresh out of the house without their quiver full of angelic arrows – we talked about kids – like the whole time.
God heal the poor single, never married, no kids soul who sat between Rita and I and had to overhear our detailed conversation about the messy miracle of giving birth. When I say conversation I really mean me telling Rita things like you really should ask to see the placenta because ” it’s a once in a life time opportunity and it’s really incredible.” Yes, I really said that. At dinner. I think my brain was suffering withdrawals from the bizarre situations that I normally deal with at home. What? No one is splashing in the potty? No one stuffing popcorn chicken in coin purses or making a mixture of mud, dead bugs and leaves then daring each other to eat it? No one pooping in the backyard? (For real – that happened). My cerebral cortex obviously thought I was in an alternate universe where things like manners and table appropriate dialog did not exist.
At one point I asked Jacobo if he had gained any baby weight along with his wife. He said ”no not yet” and then I might have said something about how the impending sleep deprivation during the newborn phase will make you gain a few pounds. So encouraging, I know. I can’t really remember how that little gem slipped out. Lapse of consciousness perhaps.
I will never forget the dressing room attendant, way back when, who upon seeing me in a whale-like pregnant state insisted that I MUST be having twins. You are too big to be having just one baby. Thanks lady. Her words have stuck with me like the smell of BBQ sauce to a morning sick preggie. I swore I would never be Mrs. Negativity to the expecting. Never say never right?
So, to all the soon-to-be parents and want-to-someday-be parents, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for telling you that you might will get poop on your hands (well only hands if you’re lucky) while changing a diaper. I’m sorry for releasing the revelation that your first child will likely have a cone shaped noggin upon entering the world. I’m sorry for telling you that sleep is a joke after the 3rd child- I’m sure all your kids will be great sleepers and never come in your room in the middle of the night and throw up in your bed. Also, please please forgive me for trying to sell a placenta viewing like an insurance agent. That one was bad.
Jacobo and Rita, I hope you can forgive me.
I’m just going to guess that I’m not the only one guilty of giving a joyful tail of all the worst parts of parenthood and somehow totally forgetting to say anything positive. Because really there is so much good that comes from bringing a child into the world. Between cleaning up the messes, dishing out discipline and that load of 50,000 socks that needs to be washed, there are many hugs, snuggles, kisses, I love yous and cuteness that make it all worth it. Besides life would be pretty boring if I had stepford-like children that always obeyed, never drew on the interior of my van with pen or told cashiers at Wal-Mart all about Mommy’s speeding ticket. Who wants that? Reminds me of a scripture:
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4 ESV
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| Pure | Joy |
P.S. I’m going to go ahead and also ask for you to pardon my husband for the reenactment he gave of a baby being born. In my euphoric, child-free state I thought it was hilarious and pretty dead on but the other 30 people in the restaurant may not agree. We are quite a pair!
What about you? Ever said too much about the joys of parenting?