Christian Womens Blog

Christian Womens Blog by Laurie Cole of Priority Ministries

Laurie Cole

Author, Speaker, Teacher

Front Porch Friday: Ground Rules for Dealing with Difficult People

Got any difficult people in your life? Need a little help dealing with them?

Discover The Ground Rules for Dealing With Difficult People on today’s Front Porch Friday!

Your sister,

What’s the #1 thing God has taught you about dealing with difficult people? Share your wisdom, girl! 

Watch more videos from the Royal pains series.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. That was a great video and just what I needed! Taking notes and going to apply them 🙂 pray for me and how to deal with difficult in-laws. I want to do what is right for God. Thank you!

    Reply

    • I’m leading a Beauty by The Book class at my church. Tomorrow is our last class. It has been amazing, I will miss it, (sniff). There are wonderful ladies in my class, but last year in a completely different class I taught, I had a very “difficult” woman in there.
      She actually had several difficult traits: she would try to take control of the class; she heckled me a few times saying things a loud like “I’ll have to go home and look that up in the Bible myself, before I believe that” (the topic was forgiving your enemies); once she even went to the pastor’s secretary and said we had appointed her as the class spokesman to tell the pastor we needed more resources (she hadn’t been appointed to anything!ha!)
      All I could think of to do was to overlook her, pray for her and forgive my new found “enemy” 🙂
      I’m looking forward to this series!!

      Reply

  2. Laurie, The number one thing I have learned about dealing with difficult people is “don’t”. I have learned that prayer is the number one response to dealing with a difficult person. Bite tongue, don’t speak and pray! It’s very helpful. Thank You!

    Reply

  3. Good word! Thank you, Laurie, for putting into words what took me years to learn. It is hard to see the forest for the trees when you are the one walking through a “test or trial by difficult person. What I learned in dealing with difficult people is that sometimes you have to lay aside making sure everyone knows what truly happened or what was said or that you were right. You touched on this in the video. “But he did this….” or “did you see what she did?” is usually our response. We want people to know what kind of sub-human that person is! But they are not sub-human at all. They are just without the influence of the Spirit of God and lack His presence! Sometimes these situations or circumstances are long term and very painful. God taught me that it doesn’t matter what they did, I am to make sure my standing with Him is correct and that I strive for unity. My plans cannot fail if my eyes are fixed on Him! He reassured me that HE SEES! That brought great comfort to me. He is the Great Avenger and True Judge. He sent His people to minister to me and He taught me Himself how to handle things because my eyes were set on Him. I don’t have to worry about getting picked on, but I do have boundaries firmly in place now. I am only responsible and accountable to Him for my actions, attitudes and intentions. I believe, trust and am faithful in the Father! He sees the intentions of my heart and what the root of the issue is. If there is any revenge to be gotten, it is best to leave it to the Father as He knows just what to do to bring about healing for this person and healing for you. PLUS, He gives us a burden for our difficult person when we walk in the Spirit and not in the flesh. The person is just as much a mess as we once were, but there is redemption at the foot of the Cross for ALL people! Intercede and bless this person, learn all you can about the trial you walked (or are walking) through, and trust God to complete the good work He began in you! Having been through this, you are not unusable for the Kingdom! God can use anyone! I’m still walking through my issue and at times suffer more pain from it as it reverberates, but God’s got me, taught me, and positioned me through it all to do a new thing in my life. He has given me a new level on my sure foundation! Abiding daily!

    Reply

  4. I find that by praying and applying the Word in my heart before I see them, as my armour seems to work in situations with someone who is contentious. i.e. Romans 8:31 What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us? Blessings Jane C.

    Reply

  5. Love the wisdom from today’s video, but also really appreciate the words above from Chaundra. Such good insight and a great perspective. Thanks gals, You Glo!

    Reply

  6. In my walk with God I learn MY believe to worship our father with child faith that means There are bullie who don’t understand me. I will be nice and kind to people who laugh in my face and talk behind my back. but when I think about My father and His son Jesus Christ I know I am not alone. I might be passive but I trust my father to lead me to the right path and let him deal with the people who dont want to be friend with me.

    Reply

  7. The key to having a right view of others (even or especially the difficult ones) is recognizing our God-given value. Since we are all made in the image of God, no matter where I am or what I’ve been through I am valued because of who God is. So when it comes to dealing with any/all humans we have to take God seriously, after all they bear His image. And yes, I realize that may be a tarnished, barely recognizable, buried under a lot of “stuff”, hard to believe they’re even human image, but that is where praying for eyes to see, and a heart that trusts God’s Word is true, comes in.

    Reply

    • Dee,
      You are right on and my eyes were “opened” with your words that the accuser or the person that is doing you harm:

      “And yes, I realize they may be a tarnished, barely recognizable, buried under a lot of “stuff”, hard to believe they’re even human image, but that is where praying for eyes to see, and a heart that trusts God’s Word is true, comes in.

      That they are broken people themselves and need to know the love of Jesus through our prayers.

      God Bless You,

      Tudi
      San Diego,CA

      Reply

  8. The main thing the Lord has shown me in dealing with difficult people, is to see they are difficult for a reason that goes against something in me, that may need to change. And if I wait on the Lord without receiving condemnation or guilt, without resisting the Lord’s light in my own life, I can find a deeper place of intimacy with God that allows strongholds to be broken in my life that I didn’t even realize were there, but had always felt “something” I couldn’t put my finger on that wasn’t quite right. Now peace and freedom in righteousness and joy in the Holy Spirit result! Then when I look at that person, I can be thankful for their part in my life and actually see how to not submit to the false authority they have held in my life, because that hidden thing has been brought to light and I am no longer bound to react to them in the same way. That frees God from having to deal with the log in my eye, so He can then deal with the splinter in theirs, as I give it to HIS control and not mine. There’s freedom in newfound peace and humility of not having to correct or set right, or to prove anything, but letting God be God. This also opens me up to Jesus’ heart of compassion, to see these and others without condenscention, but as downcast like sheep without a shepherd, or ignorant of the Great Shepherd they have, who alone has finished the work necessary to give them HIS life, and that more abundantly!

    Reply

  9. I needed to hear this today. This time. This message. I am going to work on this. I have family member that I am having a hard time forgiving. This helps me. Going to call her and do my part, even though it is a struggle. Thank you.

    Reply

  10. So enjoyed your teaching this weekend in Hokes Bluff, Alabama at our Ladies’ Confernence. I will be following you here! Thanks for the word you gave us!

    Reply

  11. Laurie, Thank you so much for being obedient to the leading of the Holy Spirit. I know without a doubt that the Lord had you do this series for me. This past week has been beyond pain in dealing with a difficult person, who happens to be my daughter. She is a dynamic believer, but hold a grudge toward her parents. I was at a loss till my friend sent this to me. Oh how I praise my Abba Father for your teaching.

    Reply

    • Nancy,
      My heart cries out for you and your daughter. An estranged relationship is so bondage-laden.

      I too, hold a grudge against my mother. And, I too, am a believer. Oh, I love God and am so blessed by His power and presence in our lives and homes. My mom is a believer, too, but she is what Laurie calls a difficult person. She doesn’t mind conflict. Yet, she handles it wrongly, pridefully and condemningly. I in turn tend to handle it the same way. :(((((

      My mom reads her bible everyday, touts that, yet lives oftentimes in the flesh. And when she is “spirit-filled”, that is, when you can actually see the fruit of her relationship with God, she is prideful and condemning. She is very difficult to have a relationship with because she is never at fault. 🙂 She is a very driven, strong, determined, disciplined, self-motivated, efficient, business-type woman. Lots of great qualities that assisted my dad throughout their marriage. He probably could not have made it without her micro-managing abilities. However, she really struggles with being real, being vulnerable, and being loving, and being sincere. All of those things I TREASURE and always have, in a person, a friend or a mentor. I miss these greatly in my mom. I know I cannot change her into who I want her to be although I have tried. 🙁 You can imagine how well that went over. She ostracizes herself from us and milks a relationship with my sister, instead. SIGH. My mom and I have much in common of like faith, same # of children in our large family, same educational choices for our children, same career choices. But she is so competitive and it really makes the relationship pungent with rottenness. Granted, I am too defensive (I would love support for what I do right rather than criticism and judgment for what do wrong, OR most often, what I do DIFFERENTLY THAN HER). She is a controller figure, and is a definite choleric. I am perfect melancholy, so we don’t understand each other much. 🙂 I loved her fiercely growing up, but now that I am an adult and a mother of many, I see more of her flaws, and resent that she doesn’t own up to them. I don’t understand why she won’t be a GRANDMOTHER to my children, NOT THEIR MOTHER– that is what I am for!! 🙂 I don’t understand why she comes to visit and judges what I do with my time instead of try to pitch in and find out what my goals are, or make goals together so we can maximize her visit. SHe acts very selfishly, and is only tolerable as long as she is in charge. Then the rest of us are miserable at her barking. 🙁 Ah, yes, I need prayer. I tried with my husband (who is a major peacemaker), to come to an understanding about how anxiety-ridden her visits are (she live 1000 miles away and comes to visit 6-8 times a year). She refused to see my side of things~ and it really only made matters worse. Now I have to call her, my dad rarely converses with me, now…

      I don’t know what your issues are with your daughter, but I would encourage, no, BEG, you to be the first to open the dreaded conversation, and seek to get to the bottom of the problems. We are ALL sinners, so we all bear a sin we could repent from in most relationships (ie not being a good listener {self-seeking}, judging w/o knowing more facts {critical attitude rather than loving spirit}, hasty decisions {lack of wisdom}, harsh or sarcastic words {disrespect or lack of love 1 Cor. 13}…

      Your daughter needs to know you care about her as person, and that you want to be involved in her life. That you are so thankful God brought her into your life, and that you pray for her and want God’s best for her. And that you support her and are her bigget cheerleader (even if her interests {as long as they are God honoring} differ from yours). Be real and vulnerable, accept responsibility for your mistakes in the past and in the present, ask for prayer, and be HUMBLE in an appropriate, sincere, apology. Healing can then occur.

      I will pray for you and your daughter. I know firsthand the strain of a grudge. She probably doesn’t want it there, she just may not know how to take the first step. I urge you, don’t settle for a mediocre or strained relationship with your daughter. Seek reconciliation {Matt. 18}.

      Thank you for reading my candid post!

      Hugs to you,
      In Jesus,

      Rebekah

      Reply

  12. God has recently been working on me in this very avenue. He has taught me that despite my pleas,debates, etc. that I just need to quiet my mouth and let the Holy Spirit work on the situation. I cannot do the work of God, and get in His way! That is what I think I was doing, so now I’ve stepped back to allow the consequences of the poor choices my son and his fiance’ are making. My recent quote is “You can always make your choices, but you have no control over the consequences” Let God decide what they are going to be!
    Thank you ladies, for all these tender lessons, think I might print them out! And thank you Laurie for this “on-the-spot” lesson for me!

    Reply

  13. Laurie, Awesome teaching! Looking forward to the rest of the series.Thanks to all the Glo Girls for all the wisdom & great advice.

    Reply

  14. So much enjoyed having you in Hokes Bluff, AL this past weekend. Thank you for your obedience in sharing Jesus. You were such a blessing to so many this past weekend.

    Reply

  16. Wow this totally hit the spot for me this week! Thanks so much Laurie! I was going through a situation like this not too long ago with a friend whom I have known for over 10 years. We had a huge misunderstanding and I have to admit, I was the difficult person who held grudges and wouldn’t forgive, would not talk to her and ignored her. It pulled me away from God too.

    It took me weeks later to reconcile with her. We talked it out and admitted our faults.

    I learn that God is the one I should turn to for help. Prayers and good times spent with Him will help me with any relationship. I also learn to be patient and forgiving, understanding and loving to everyone around me because no one is perfect! Thanks Laurie!

    Reply

  18. Laurie – I recently came upon your blog by clicking through on some links on Pinterest! I wanted to let you know how much I personally enjoyed this teaching – in fact I will be sharing these videos with a college-aged women’s study that I teach. I can’t wait to hear more! Blessings and keep up the great work! Gwen

    Reply

  19. Hey Laurie!
    “Front Porch” couldn’t have come at a better time. Your Mother introduced me to it last week when I was staying with your Grandmother (the pie crust queen). I’ve been having MAJOR problems with the 72 yr old lady next door. So much so, that I may lose my apartment of 13 yrs. The woman & I used to be friends. She is one of those that live for conflict & confrontation. I forgave her for the 1st incident, & we were friends again for a time. Now, after all that’s transpired since, she’s on my “IGNORE” list! Please pray for me! I need help in being strong & knowing just the right thing to do. Pray for her as well, that she will see that I am NOT her enemy. I’m not in the habit of vandalizing ANYTHING, including her car! Pray too, that her new apartment will be everything she’s ever dreamed & that she finds it verrrry quickly!
    Keep up the wonderful work. I’m so proud of you!
    I love you,
    Kristi (your aunt)

    Reply

  20. You nailed it Laurie. The thing God has most taught me that made a difference is the pray, bless, do good…As a baby Christian I was hurt by someone very badly, but I also knew that I knew that I now had the Holy Spirit to help me and I wasn’t alone. I also read Corrie Ten Booms, ‘the hiding place’ and learned how she had dealt with forgiving an impossibly evil person with God’s help. That made all the difference in the world. So, as God began teaching me this principle, I learned that EACH and every time that this particular person came to mind, I was to pray for God to bless them, help them, etc. As I chose to forgive, and chose to pray and bless, it took two years, but I could see that person’s face without any anxiety, fear, hurt,or anger etc. And I knew that God had forever changed my life. I would no longer be a prisoner to hurt/bitterness. Yeah! Thank you Lord. Since then, I promise you it takes far less time to deal with it, and I start right away if there is a problem with someone when I can’t fix things. It gives me sweet peace of mind, keeps me from fussing and fuming and wasting emotional energy, but most of all, keeps me close to my Lord so there is nothing between His Precious Presence and me. He is sooooooooooo good to teach us these things so we can be FREE.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *