There’s married. Then there’s happily married. And for 60 years (60 years!!) my parents, John and Julia McKay, have enjoyed a happy marriage. How have they done it?
As I’ve pondered and prayed about that question over the past couple of days, I have come up with some answers based upon my own observations of their marriage. So, to honor them, and in hopes that this will bless and encourage you, I’m sharing the top ten things my parents have taught me about how to stay happily married.
I’ll share the first five (in no particular order) today and the rest next Monday. How I pray this will bless and encourage you.
The Top 10 Things My Parents Have Taught Me About How to Stay Happily Married
1. Recognize and respect one other’s strengths. The theory that “opposites attract” describes my parents’ marriage perfectly. They are soooo different.
So how have these two opposites managed to avoid opposition? Many years ago, they chose to admire each another’s strengths and, even more, to allow the diversity of their strengths to shine.
2. Recognize and accept one other’s weaknesses. Based upon my own marriage and experience, I think this probably took way more time than many of the other things on this list.
But instead of spending 60 frustrating years in the futile pursuit of trying to change one another, Mother and Daddy recognized their own weaknesses . . . and amiably chose to accept one another’s as well.
3. Love the Lord first and foremost. This is the hallmark – the very foundation – of my parent’s marriage. Their commitment to God and their desire to serve and obey Him dominates and permeates their relationship.
And because of that, He has blessed their marriage, their partnership, their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren in exceeding, extravagant ways. But even more than that, He has used their marriage to point others to Himself.
4. Share parental responsibilities. My brothers and I often say that we were raised under the law and grace: Mother was the law; Daddy was grace. They each had very different parenting styles.
The key, however, was that they both participated in the parenting process. And somehow, their law and grace method made us love and respect them equally.
5. Forgive and don’t hold grudges. If you have ever been exposed to a toxic marriage where bitterness and animosity grew together under the same roof, then you have likely seen the foul fruit of unforgiveness.
60 years. Under the same roof. And as I already said, they are two very different people. But by choosing to forgive, their home consistently produces the fragrant fruit of “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, [and] gentleness” (Gal. 5:22-23).
Next Monday, I’ll share the final five of this Top 10 list. But until then, maybe you should do what I have been doing for the past couple of days: pondering and praying over the first five, and asking God to help me stay not just married.
But happily married.
Your sister,
What have you learned through your marriage – or someone else’s – about how to stay happily married?