How do two of the most opposite people on the Planet stay married – happily married – for 60 years? That’s the question I’ve been pondering ever since my parents, John and Julia McKay, celebrated their 60th anniversary several weeks ago. And my pondering has paid off – for you and me both – with a How to Stay Happily Married Top 10 list.
The Bible says, “By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures,” (Prov. 24:3-4 NIV).
We all want a Proverbs 24:3-4 home, but how do you build one? While I cannot fully answer that question in one or two blog posts, I submit this Top 10 list as a place to begin.
The first five are posted here, and these are the final five:
The Top 10 Things My Parents Have Taught Me
About How to Stay Happily Married
5. Give each other space. Not space as in living miles and miles apart. But space as in he does his thing/she does her thing under the same roof space.
For instance, my dad enjoys hanging out in his home office, reading Louis L’Amour westerns, and recharging his spiritual and emotional batteries by playing golf with his buddies and encouraging them in the Lord.
My mom enjoys being in the yard, reading anything but Louis L’Amour westerns, and recharging her spiritual and emotional batteries by digging in the flowerbeds and communing with God.
Does your blood pressure spikes at the very thought of retirement and living under the same roof with your hubby 365 days a year? If so, then take a tip from John and Julia. Discover and develop your own hobbies, interests, and gifts. And give your husband space to do the same.
6. Enjoy time together. I know, I just said Mom and Dad give each other space, but a happy marriage needs a healthy balance of both space and togetherness.
Mom and Dad enjoy watching baseball and following their team (the Rangers) together. They also love driving to Fort Worth, dining on a delicious burger at Kincaid’s, and perusing the Montgomery Street Antique Mall together. But most of all, they enjoy their daily morning ritual: having breakfast on the back porch, reading the newspaper, and sharing their hearts with one another.
But after that, space.
Cultivate and nurture activities that you and your husband both enjoy. But don’t overlook those simple daily rituals either. Because when you celebrate your 60th, simple can be quite superb.
7. Grace each other often. After 60 years, all of the things that should have driven Mom and Dad crazy about each other and could have driven them apart have not. You wanna know why?
Grace.
“Generosity of spirit; a capacity to tolerate, accommodate, or forgive people . . . the gift of God to humankind; the infinite love, mercy, favor, and goodwill shown to [us] by God.” Encarta Dictionary, 2009
Have you graced your husband today? And if you’re thinking, “I’ll grace him when he graces me,” then you’ve missed the entire meaning of grace . . . and my heart aches for both you and your husband. Grace and a happy marriage. The two are inseparable.
8. Serve one another. Even in today’s wrinkle-free world, my mother still irons all of my dad’s shirts. And she cooks lunch for him almost daily. He runs errands for her and does a little grocery shopping, but when it comes to housework . . . well, not so much.
My mother, however, has always said, “The best way your daddy ever used to help me was by spending time playing outside with you and your brothers.” Playing with us was the equivalent of serving her – can I get an Amen from all of you moms?
But last year, when Mother had one of the worst cases of shingles her doctors had ever seen, I witnessed my daddy serve my mother in a beautiful new way: he took over the daily care and responsibilities of her beloved flowerbeds. For months and months, he watered, weeded, trimmed and pruned. And to this day, even though her shingles are gone, he continues to assist her in the yard with a heart to help and serve her.
Need some encouragement to motivate you to serve your husband? You know what helps me? Picturing Jesus, with a towel around his waist, washing the feet of His disciples. That helps, doesn’t it?
10. Give generously to God and others. What does giving have to do with a happy marriage? Almost everything according to God:
“Honor the LORD with your wealth and with the best part of everything you produce. Then he will fill your barns with grain, and your vats will overflow with good wine.” Proverbs 3:9-10 NLT
“′Bring all the tithes into the storehouse so there will be enough food in my Temple. If you do,’ says the LORD of Heaven’s Armies, ‘I will open the windows of heaven for you. I will pour out a blessing so great you won’t have enough room to take it in! Try it! Put me to the test!’” Malachi 3:10 NLT
I have witnessed firsthand the principles and promises of those verses in my parent’s marriage. And to this day, although they have no pension, no 401k, no legal trust or inheritance, God continues to bless and provide for their every need.
I know, you can’t afford to give generously. Your budget is already maxed out. Give anyway. Then watch God “pour out a blessing so great” upon your marriage that you will be blown away. And happy, very happy, too.
Well, that’s it. That’s my Top 10. But I want you to know that this is not just some random list. It is the result of a sincere, prayerful desire to give my children and grandchildren the same thing my parents have given me.
You see, I grew up in a Proverbs 24:3-4 home. I lived within its rooms and witnessed its beauty firsthand. It was built by two very opposite, imperfect people. But by God’s grace and because of their commitment to Him and to one another, Mother and Daddy just celebrated 60 happy years of marriage.
May you and I give our children and grandchildren nothing less.
Your sister,
What have you learned through your marriage — or someone else’s — about how to stay happily married?
Click here to read the Part 1 of How to Stay Happily Married Top 10 list!